


Gimme Shelter

by schizoauthoress



Category: World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Gen, Prompt Fill, Sensible Nerd is Irritated by the Wacky Schemes of his Ridiculously Rich Buddy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-01
Updated: 2019-08-01
Packaged: 2020-07-28 10:01:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20062183
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/schizoauthoress/pseuds/schizoauthoress
Summary: Ted Dibiase has schemes, and Irwin R. Schyster has doubts.Prompt: "This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you."





	Gimme Shelter

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Taxman_Apologist (spacelizardtrashboys)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/spacelizardtrashboys/gifts).

Ted was grinning at him, as wide and bright and charming as Irwin had ever seen. His teeth were practically gleaming, even in the sullen glow of the slowly dying incandescent overhead bulb that lit Irwin's cluttered office.

'A smile like the sun,' popped into Irwin's head unbidden, which only served to enhance the irritation he felt. He continued to regard Ted with disdain, squinting both eyes accordingly at the beaming millionaire as he folded his arms together atop his desk.

"So?" Ted said, after allowing about a minute of silence. "What do you think?"

With marked deliberation, openly making Ted wait even longer for a response, Irwin moved his right hand up to his face, extended his index finger, and pushed his glasses back up to sit atop the bridge of his nose. 

Ted's smile wavered just a second as he snorted back a burst of laughter.

Just for that, Irwin took the time to cross his arms again before making his pronouncement. "This is a whole new level of moronic, even for you."

"Hey! Come on!" Ted held up both hands as if to ward off the sarcasm with his cheer. "I just think Singapore would be a great place to visit this spring!"

"And set up a tax shelter before the end of the fiscal year?"

"I wouldn't be doing it!" Ted waved a slip of paper, slightly wider than a #10 envelope and satin-finished, in Irwin's face. "That's what I have you for, pal! Although you're welcome to join me at the spa after you get everything squared away, of course!"

Irwin tried to snatch the thing from Ted's grasp while he was talking, but Ted pulled it away. He regarded Irwin for a moment before calmly holding it out within reach again.

Irwin frowned and took a single corner of the paper between his thumb and forefinger, as though he were handling something distasteful, before tugging it from Ted's loose grasp. Ted cackled at that, or perhaps the sour look on the IRS agent's face as he realized exactly what he'd been given.

A first class ticket to the city-state of Singapore, for two weeks from today.

"Oh my god, you _are_ serious about this."

"Of course I am! Have you _seen_ the interest rate differentials in the latest reports?"

Irwin hung his head. Briefly, he considered bringing up the rumblings he'd heard at his other workplace, regarding inflation and what the Federal Reserve Bank was going to do about it. But he was pretty sure he'd be wasting his breath. It was too damned hard to talk Ted out of schemes like this, once they'd taken root this deep.

Irwin lifted his left hand to his forehead, pressing his thumb to one temple and the tip of his middle finger to the other, pushing slightly against the soft flesh as he rubbed small circles there. Impending headache slightly deferred, he sighed. "Five percent on top of my usual cut."

Ted was smiling yet again. Irwin could tell, without even looking at the man -- just from the smug quality of his voice as he said, "Two percent."

He was being baited. Irwin knew this, but he couldn't stop from straightening up to glare into Ted's stupid apple-cheeked face. "You wanna give somebody two percent extra off this job, you can find yourself a new agent." He pushed the plane ticket across his desk toward Ted, then twitched his wrist in a tiny, dismissive shooing gesture. "Go sell that bill of goods to one of the new hire GS-13s and quit wasting my time."

"Don't be like that!" Ted laughed. "Three percent."

"Three and half."

"Sold!" Ted cried, and slapped the top of Irwin's desk. A whole (admittedly haphazard) stack of Form 2848s toppled over, scattering across the floor like autumn leaves. Ted and Irwin both sucked in a breath. Ted's gaze was no longer nearly as merry as he looked over Irwin.

"I'll see you at the airport in two weeks." Irwin said calmly, despite the twitch in his left eye, "And no sooner."

"That's fair," Ted said, backing away toward the door.

"Now get the hell out."

"Sorry about the forms, see you in two weeks!" Ted yelled, dashing out of Irwin's office.

As Ted slammed the door, Irwin's framed CPA certificate fell off the wall. Irwin pressed both hands over his face and groaned. "Just think of your bank balance, Schyster," he said to himself. "Think of all those zeroes and it'll all be worth it..."

*-*-*-*-*


End file.
